| LETS PLAY TRUE OR FALSE |
[03 Apr 2005|09:11pm] |
true or false: after we broke up YOU repeatedly told me "i'll always be here i'll always be here"?
true or false: you stopped trying to be my friend and you never answer your cell phone?
true or false: YOU FUCKING MADE OUT WITH AMALFI AT THE RING DANCE? (HYPOCRITE CYPOCRITE HYPOCRITE)
true or false: you then told her you had a girlfriend?
true or false: you have a girlfriend?
true or false: you and elena are a thing?
true or false: you are the biggest ass ever?
true or false: i still loved you. you didn't understand. i was holding out. figuring things out for myself. i didn't think it was a big deal because YOU kept saying "i'll always be here" you said "i'll be here with open arms when you are ready to come back"?
I'M PRETTY FUCKING SURE THAT YOU LIED TO ME A LOT. IF THERE WAS ONE THING THAT I DID RIGHT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP IT'S THAT I WAS ALWAYS HONEST WITH YOU. I ALWAYS TOLD YOU WHAT WAS UP. YOU COULDN'T EVEN RETURN THE FAVOR? you were that person... the one i could talk to for hours about nothing. the one i could tell anything and everything to. the one that i wasn't afraid to cry in front of, or to be ridiculous around. you were THE ONE. now all you do is make me cry.
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| au revoir |
[29 Mar 2005|07:40pm] |
i bid you a fond farewell perfectly__pink.
parting is such sweet sorrow.
i'm making a new journal but it's going to be real. and it's going to be harsh.
but it's going to be complete truth.
so add it if you want to. but i'm not making any garuntees.
fear_and_love <--thats it
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| how in one night have we come so far? |
[28 Mar 2005|04:36pm] |
i don't like myself.
i don't like the person that i have become.
so my goal for the next month is to discover a better me.
i know that i'm in there somewhere.
but just... i don't know.
there are so many things i need to fix.
guys, i really like to talk on the phone.
and sometimes it's not about the words that we speak.
it's about the silences that we feel.
just talking on the phone knowing that someone is just... there.
it's comforting.
also, as mentioned quite a few entries ago, my house is open too.
and anyone is welcome to kidnap me and take me on adventures.
i like that.
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[27 Mar 2005|10:50am] |
happy easter.
i can't wait for school to end.
i can't wait for april vacation.
i'm pretty content right now.
i need a boy. ahahah right alyssa and nance?
sooo much homework to do.
<333
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[23 Mar 2005|01:45pm] |
i really need to not be sick.
I can't handle make up work.
it makes me not be able to do more fun stuff.
monday i had to skip rehearsal and voice.
today i have to go to rehearsal even though i'm sick and dance a wicked lot
tomorrow i have voice.
this weekend better turn out to be a good time.
though, i only have 3 more weekends until my family project is due. GASPPPP. it's okay i've actually enjoyed what i've done on it so far.
i want to go shoe shopping.
and dress shopping
and purse shopping
i just want to go shopping.
and i want my class ring!
and i want...
i'm trying to find things to be grateful for.
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[18 Mar 2005|04:23pm] |
i am sexually frusterated.
i'm also attracted to boys that are completely unabtainable to me.
yaaaaay.
i just want to make out. seriously.
i have a fun game we can play.
take me out on a date.
surprise me and be romantic.
i want a friend and a lover.
i need a man not a boy who thinks he can.
j'adore the spice girls.
i want to go on adventures
travel the world and become full of knowledge.
i want to discover the meaning of life.
i want to discover myself.
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[16 Mar 2005|04:39pm] |
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HEY HELLO THERE. CAN I JUST SAY I LOVE MY FRIENDS. AND I LOVE MY LIFE. AND I JUST LOVE EVERYTHING BECAUSE IT IS SO PEACHY. AND I MEANT FOR THIS TO BE A GOOD ENTRY BUT NOW IT IS JUST DRIPPING WITH SARCASM. I AM TIRED AND BITCHY AND STUFF. I HATE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY CAN DO THINGS SO WELL AND TRY TO TELL OTHER PEOPLE HOW TO DO THEM WHEN THEY ARE REALLY HOOOOORRRRRIIIIIBBBBBBLLLLLEEEEEE. GOD. okay. end that.
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| why must i make everything a dramatic production? |
[12 Mar 2005|05:27pm] |
so sometimes sorry doesn't cut it. and i guess that's a lesson that i needed to learn.
yesterday would have been six months. and in light of that, i did a lot of thinking. everyone keeps telling me we'll end up back together. so i keep telling myself that. so i keep giving him that idea. yes i have feelings for him, yes he was and is absolutely wonderful to me, yes he was an amazing boyfriend, yes i want to be with him. yes it hurts me to think that i've hurt him. but i can't keep going like this. i don't want to be in a relationship right now. period. and whatever i'm doing now isn't fair. maybe this is my evil way of getting back at him for stealing my heart. because he did, he stole my heart. i love you. yeah i do i love him guys. see it's not hard to write in my livejournal. but it won't come out of my mouth with meaning. as many times as i've thought about saying it. i just can't. I'm not a good person and he deserves so much better than me. that's all there is to it. I'm sorry i'm so so sorry.
i can't do anything right, can i?
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[11 Mar 2005|04:06pm] |
please stop hating me.
seriously everybody, the worst feeling in the world is to know that there are so many places where you can't go because people there don't like you. I know its fairly unavoidable, but maybe if we all learned how to forgive and be friends rather than enemies for silly reasons everything would be better. maybe.
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[07 Mar 2005|05:36pm] |
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i have a first degree burn on my cleavage cool? no.
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[26 Feb 2005|12:54pm] |
i'm going to FLORIDAAAAAA.
call and text my cell phone a lot because i love that!
305-6279
yeah rock on.
fab gang is getting drunk without me i'm so upset. just kidding i <3 you girls so much. SELSEL
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[24 Feb 2005|05:34pm] |
my life is completely falling apart.
and the one thing that could make me feel better, the one thing i want, i can't have. and it's all my fault.
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| Dear Snow, |
[21 Feb 2005|01:53pm] |
everytime I see you I am just amazed at how beautiful you are. How amazing you make me feel. The mood you put me in. It's incredible to sit and stare at you out the window and think about everything. You are relaxation at it's finest. I know sometimes I get upset and yell at you, but that's only because you are cold and Erin made me remove you from her car. But honestly, I love you.
Love forever,
Elyse
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[16 Feb 2005|03:31pm] |
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unless you want it back (which seriously, would make perfect sense to me!) i've decided to never take this ring off. and it's not about how pretty it is. it's the meaning behind it. even if were not together that doesn't mean that i don't still have feelings for you. you have to understand that when i think about things, i think and think and think and think until it makes me sick and i just HAVE to do something about it. so i did what i felt like i needed to do. and it may not have even been the RIGHT thing to do, but i did it and maybe that's where it should stay. for now anyways. maybe we just need to be friends. we can be BEST FRIENDS. because i don't know what i would do without you in my life. and i don't want to not talk to you on the phone at night. and i want us to never stop liking each other. and i know that i'm being selfish but i just can't figure out what specifically it is that i want. a few months ago we were talking on the phone and i said to you "no matter how many times i run away, i know that we'll just keep coming back to each other until we realize that it was meant to be"
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[14 Feb 2005|05:27pm] |
a drunk man's actions are a sober man's thoughts..
maybe everythings not as amazing as everyone always thinks it is.
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| 130130130130130130130130130130130130 |
[13 Feb 2005|07:52pm] |
i'm only scared because you must be feeling more than you are telling me.
but then i'm probably feeling more than i am telling you.
tomorrow is valentines day. i'm not in the mood to love everyone though. so i might postpone my valentines day loving.
my mom made me buy you a card, but i might hold on to it until it means something.
please don't do anything stupid though. your entry about a baseball bat and a name? come on, don't be ridiculous. if you want to hit anyone with a baseball bat it should be me.
i just read an email and this is what is sticking in my head "if you want to learn to love better, start with someone you hate" i'm not sure why.
it was nice to tell someone how i really feel (renee)
i'll miss moonlight room. we really pulled it together guys. <3
i went shopping and bought cute stuff to wear tomorrow because it was an excuse to go shopping. shopping makes me feel better. tonight it didn't work
i also got a new cell phone today. same number.
i have an audition tomorrow, an audition tuesday, a performance wednesday, a callback (hopefully) and voice thursday, nothin friday, and then i'm staying with my grandparents saturday-sunday, lolas party sunday, no school monday. holy crap, february is flying by. seriously.
I feel like there is so much that i should do. but i don't know what to do.
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[12 Feb 2005|12:42pm] |
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general concensus- i suck. i'm loud and rude and obnoxious and i'm a whore.
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| nothing profound |
[06 Feb 2005|05:15pm] |
i have nothing of importance to say. just wanted you all to know that i'm still here. and that i love you. and that everyone seems to be going through a lot lately and i'm here for any of you. honestly, even if we haven't talked in a while maybe that's what we need just to sit and drink tea and listen to each others words tell stories to help us get closer. i think the one most valuable way of getting to know a person is by telling them stories. about your past, your present and your future. how else is anyone going to know anything about you? my room is clean and always open for company, i also have plenty of tea. and apple cider if that happens to be your preference. lizzie? sarah ward? lori? you three i guess are who i would like some time with. but then i am more than grateful for anyones company.
that's all. i'm here.
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| you're right, you should have tried harder. |
[30 Jan 2005|01:02pm] |
okay so that entry was kind of harsh of me. if you saw it then you know that's how i feel, but it's no one else's business. (you is sean. so no one else needs to worry about it) and sean if you didn't read it and you see this and go "wtf?" just ask me about it and i'll explain. it's nothing too bad i promise. <3
voice lessons start thursday
this weekend(the 5th)- mom's birthday party
next weekend (10, 11, 12)- moonlight room (it's free guys, you HAVE to come see it)
weekend after that (18,19,20)- keene?
february vacation- florida!
i have so freaking much to look forward to.
and so much to be ashamed of.
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